Over the past few years I’ve realised I am ridiculously mediocre. I’m no Victoria secret model, I’m no brain surgeon and to be honest, I’m just not that interesting.

Whilst friends have gone traveling, dropped a lot of weight, had families – or just generally been amazing. I’ve skated by never really stepping out of my comfort zone.

Achieving the unobtainable?

Mediocre – of only average quality; not very good.

Google, 2018

Being mediocre is arguably, a personal judgement. For me I will always say I could work harder to create opportunities to start the career I dream off- rather than eat chocolate, drink wine and binge on a new Netflix series.

I will always feel as if I’m mediocre, because my goals were so unachievable. Goals should be something to work towards rather than to create boundaries. Positivity, or what ever you want to call it, should run through you whenever you tip toe towards any goal. For me, personally, it just wasn’t the case. Goals became a way I restricted my happiness- so I completely scrapped them. And right now, I have no idea what I want.

Yes, I still want to own my own home(one of my major life goals), but what would be the point in finding more freedom if I was just restricting myself from amazing opportunities, which could come my way?

Its not about effort.

As much as I say I have skated by, I can say that I’ve worked bloody hard to achieve the little I have. For years I never thought much about myself- or at least nothing positive. So when it comes to completing a task, and doing it to the best of my ability, I was left completely deflated. No matter the amount of hours I’ve put in, the effort, the tears- I’ve never felt like it was enough. For me, my own expectations were my biggest enemy. I am my own worst enemy.

Take my blog for example, I adore it. In fact I have about 12 blog posts almost ready to go. Yet, the thing that holds be back isn’t the effort behind the writing but the belief that there even worth reading.

Right now?

I have no idea where the hell my life is going. And I’m not mad about it.

Over the past 10 years I’ve always had a plan. Set goals and deadlines that were realistically never going to happen. As long as my life is moving forward, I’m happy and healthy- I could not give a sh*t.

Of course, my life hasn’t be a bed of roses, and I am simply not naive enough to think it will be. I do know one thing. Whatever the future holds, there will be a lot of wine, a lot of laughs and most certainly a few more blog posts.

Always love.

Em x