The Life Switch up.

Hello you beautiful people.

I know, I know its been a while- and for that i am not in the least bit sorry. Life over the past few weeks has been quiet, with quiet came a few realisations. I realised that (and I don’t mean to boast- well maybe a little) but i finally feel like i have my shit together. Trust me, i am just as shocked as any one.

NOW, by no means do i have the answers to all the millennial issues. I am still shit with money, fat and my sex life is dryer than the Sahara desert- i’m just good with it. We are all to often caught saying

‘ you should only look back to see how far we’ve come’

But if you are anything like me, then you will only look to the positives of the past. Nights out, relationships, graduations are all things i compare my current life too. But what about the crippling anxiety, mounds of debt and self esteem lower to than my bank account. If i am to be perfectly honest, i really am bloody happy to be where i am today.

*cough* Cheesey as fuck*cough*

Photographer: Rebecca Walker.

Dieting.

Now lets start with the shit stuff. Dieting. My last blog spoke about my ‘ditching the term plus size’. Hatred for the term probably comes from the negative relationship with my body. Now, i look at dieting as a way to learn how to cook, how to prepare myself for the week ahead and even to a certain extent, how too budget. Dieting has been such an awful experience in the past. From rationing my food to living off 800 calories a day, i never wanted to be the size i am. Yet, here i am the wrong size of 25 with my huge bum and 28 E boobs (and yes, crippling back ache).

Right now i am technically dieting, Slimming world has been a way i can learn how to cook for my new veggie lifestyle. With friends and family not being the most supportive Slimming world has been a great network for recipes.

Dating.

Photographer: Rebecca Walker.

Want some juicy goss? Then go somewhere else.

As with the rest of my life, my romantic life is non-existent- and like my body, i am good with it. Friends of mine are getting married, having babies and me? Well right now, I’m sat in the same room i grew up in drinking a corona, watching an Criminal Minds.

After a few shit relationships I finally understand the importance of being alone.I have replied heavily on my exes, i needed some one to tell me i was okay- as stupid as it sounds i was to scared to live my life independently.

Romantic relationships just isn’t something i am looking for right now, but if Prince Charming wants to fall into my life with a classic Nintendo and a few bottle of beer, then I wouldn’t run away.

Striving for independence.

Independence means a lot to different people. To some it means paying your own bills, to others it means traveling alone, for me? It simply means being comfortable enough to create something that i’ve been to scared too.

A few years back i was scared of everything. My mental health health nose dived, panic attacks took hold and i had no idea what i was doing one day to the next. So for me, its time to finally be able to stand on my own two feet and leave my anxieties in the past.

And goals? You better believe I’ve got them now and right now, i am smashing them (i mean to really, I’m not the Hulk).

  • BUY MY FIRST HOME.
  • BECOME MORE COMFORTABLE WITH WHO I AM.
  • TRAVEL ALONE (even if it is only to centre parks)
Photographer: Rebecca Walker.

Organising my shit

Guys i am pretty okay with admitting that i am not Marie Kondo but i have started appreciating organising my life. Making breakfast the night before, ironing my clothes ready for the week on Sunday night and cleaning my space much more often, has made me feel so much more in control of my own life.

Like with so many things in my life, of course there is most definitely more switch up’s up to come but organising my life has impacted my life so much. I am so excited, to see how the year (and my poor attempt at organisation) goes.

Photographer: Rebecca Walker.

2019 has flown by so quickly, its basically the middle of march and I have no recollection as to what happened to February. This little update and content switch up has been something i have wanted to do for a while. I have spent so much time wasting my life with poor relationships, low self esteem and just accepting that i was always going to unhappy – right now, this couldn’t be further from the truth. I finally feel like i am working towards the things i have always been too scared too.

And i promise to share them with you when i finish them.

Always,

Em x

Is it time to ditch the ‘plus’ in Plus Size?

Hello my beauties.

As i sit an write this , i cant help but stare and the copious amount of clothing I’ve been buying recently. With the recent developments in sizing, styles and stores, the Plus size market has become more profound than ever- right now, I am in total awe at how amazing the ‘plus’ size clothing is in the UK has become. For years the ‘Plus’ size clothing stores have been ill flattering, and lack all sense of fashion. With brands such as ASOS, River Island and even New Look have finally allowed the curvy amongst us to find affordable, fashionable clothing the ‘Plus’ size clothing market has never been as advanced.

Now, pals, i am by no means saying that there isn’t any room for improvement in the Plus Size industry. Seriously i can list the issues my 16-18 chunky bod has when fighting the losing battle trying to find something ‘nice’ in store. Yet, the growth the industry has had shows a complete shift in a much better direction. Empire lines, flowing material and more accesability show a much better understanding of a curvier woman’s need. I just can’t help but ask, with the growth in the industry i am left wondering isn’t it time to ditch the ‘Plus Size’ term altogether?

Image taken by Rebecca Walker

Image taken by Rebecca Walker

Outfit details.

Jumper: TU at Sainsbury’s.

Skirt: Primark.

Belt: Primark

Shoes: Raid via ASOS

Same clothing, same price.

Many stores now offer a plus size range, an has since started making the same pieces through out all their clothing. By this i mean much of the clothing in the plus size ranges is exactly the same (just sized higher) than much of the regular sized clothing. So, why am i walking up a flight of stairs to find a piece of clothing that i have seen 4 times down stairs?

As a rule, i don’t understand much within this segment of the clothing industry. Why should my reasonably sized boobs and Kardashian’s rival bottom mean I don’t fit into the Norm of clothing? Surely it would be better to make customers feel equal no matter the size of their behind ? Many stores argue that the fabric, patterns and even marketing equate to higher prices and being segregated from the rest of the other clothing items. Yet, with the fashion industry being one of the leading industries i highly doubt merging all areas of the clothing within a store will hardly knock the overall growth of the industry.

We’re not all made the same.

Understanding body shapes must rival the Pythagoras theorem. Every woman, is shaped differently regardless of your weight, Height and even style. As a woman who is constantly battling her weight, why should my clothing make me feel any less than ‘comfortable’?

Now, i understand that with a copious amount of body shapes, stores are fighting a losing battle. Some items will never look great on a pear shape whilst others items are just too short for a six foot frame.Yet, isn’t it better for people to have a level of trust in their favourite clothing brand rather than share the feeling of ‘ i can’t believe i have to go their again’. Taking plus size out of the equation for one moment, isn’t it worth creating a space where everyone has value?

Image taken by Rebecca Walker

Image taken by Rebecca Walker

A Trigger?

Now, i am fully aware that some suffering with eating disorders may find this triggering. Walking to a separate area, in which you can shop with in comfort is important. However, many of the plus sized clothing collections are placed in obvious spaces. Women have to walk through area which see stick thin Mannequins, small items of clothing all of which only amplify insecurites. If stores don’t want this collection to be triggering isn’t it time to group all collections together and let all shoppers be equal. And if not, move the curve items to a much more discreet area of the store.

The future?

The future of the clothing industry will hopefully hold so much more growth within the ‘Plus’ sized category and for me, that is dropping the notion of plus sized all together. On a daily basis we are told that our size shouldn’t define who we are, so why are we allowing clothing stores to tell us any different? Walking through a store filled with smaller sized items, means that many like myself are forced to see what we could be. In a world of fad diets, motivational quotes and fakery, i am ready to stand up and say my size does not define who i am. Nor should it define how i feel in stores i spend my hard earn money in.

I can’t be the only person in the world which hates the term ‘Plus Size’. The size of my hips shouldn’t restrict the clothing i have access too. With the constant demand for affordable, fashionable clothing, when will the High Street learn that all customers are just as important as one and other. The size and shape of your body has no correlation to you or your sense of style. Kardashian bums, mum tums and massive lady lumps shouldn’t be a restriction, it should be something we have and can parade in a gorgeous leopard print shirt.

So tell me, what do you think? Is it time all customers were treated equally, or do you have an entirely different opinion. Please let me know in the comments below.

Em x

Disclaimer : I paid for these clothes with my own money and have never worked with either

Time to be your own Valentine?

Valentines, Galentines, 50% chocolate specials whatever you associate with the season of love, its here. In amongst the new couples, chocolate binges and sobbing singles, Valentine’s Day can be something that takes its toll on so many. Whether you’re a loved up babe or a sassy single, Valentine’s Day should be a day we celebrate our longest relationship; the one we have with ourselves. In the words of Ru Paul, ‘ If you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love somebody else’.

I challenge you this Valentine’s Day to celebrate yourself, the challenges you’ve face and the next steps of your life. Realising that you and you alone are solely responsible for all the things you have achieved and will continue to achieve. So grab a nice bottle of plonk, run a bath and leave the world at the door step. If a bubble bath isn’t for you, then its perfectly okay to rewrite the terms of your own valentines night.

Take time.

Okay, before i rant on about turning the world off i am. Fully aware that for many stepping away from the world on a week night probably isn’t an option. Parents, care givers and even people who have to work more than one job don’t get the option of having a night of. Yet their is one option you do have.

Taking your time- once the day is over with, is a luxury. Leaving deadlines at the doors, plodding along with your to do lists, without haste is rewarding. Having the ability to complete tasks without any rush allows you to relax and feel accomplished. Take your time isn’t always a bad thing, remember the tortoise and the hare?

Embrace who you are.

Everyone is different, therefore everyone’s way of relaxing is completely different. Listing to metal, watching the entirety of the Marvel universe and or even sitting in silence. Embracing your favourite things and running with them, is ultimately the most important thing in the season of love. If not, what’s the point? Go on, grab another chocolate and watch another episode of friends, make your soul happy.

Likewise embracing your love life is necessary to surging this sickening loved up month. Unlike, so many on social media, you don’t have to be in a relationship to have a great Valentine’s Day. Amongst the ‘Boys done good’, sea of pandora rings, and new relationships which will be lucky if they last the month, embracing your own relationship status really is important- especially in February.

I am sure at one time or another we have all be shamed for being single, or have been told that the partner we have in our lives just isn’t the one for us. Yet, in the long run, all that matters is that you are happy- the options of sheep shouldn’t rule you life. Embrace what you have even if others don’t agree.

Stop- even if its just for an evening.

As a generation, us millennial love to be busy. We love to complain about the overtime we’ve accrued or the latest amount of responsibility that we have had shoved on our desk. A friend once said, ‘I’m just too busy to take care of myself’, a sad honest truth we are all guilty of saying. Well, isn’t it time we all just stopped and cared for ourselves for just one night. Whether its deleting twitter for a night, or inviting the girls round to dance to all of Atomic Kittens Greatest hits. Taking one night away from the busy life we have, isn’t going to effect anything. Stepping away from distractions is the best way to care for yourself, and isn’t that the best way to be your own valentine?

Treat yourself.

If you are anything like me, then spending time and money on yourself seems to fall by the wayside. Work, bills, social interactions all take president to the pamper we all deserve, The term pamper is personal, for some its having a bubble bath, for others its the full shebang, face masks and all. For me, its a fresh set of gels, a new piercing and an hair cut.

Finding your own way of treating yourself, isn’t selfish. There will always be something you should be doing, or even a task that you could have finished to a higher standard. These trivial aspects of our lives ultimately stop many of us stop treating ourselves, and for what? Absolutely beggar all.

Whether you have a valentine or not this year, treat yourself how you would love them to treat you. Bubble bath, foot rub, a good bottle of wine- sounds amazing to me. Having one night away from the responsibilities which play on your mind not only allows you to rest, but allows for you to focus on the task when you pick it up again.

Remember Valentine’s Day is merely 24 hours, you have the rest of your life to find who you are, embrace it.

Happy V-Day.

Em x

Lazy Girls Guide to Confidence Boosting Skincare.

Hello, beautiful!

I’ve been debating writing a post similar to my Lazy Girls guide to Confidence Boosting Skincare, for a few months now. I’ve got such a love/hate relationship with my skin. The hidden secrets and confessions I share within this post are all products I use all the time! So I hope you enjoy! Now, let’s crack on!

Okay guys confession time, I am so lazy when it comes to skincare. Being some one who hates to sleep in make up but hates using approximately 97 products before she can hit the hay- Yeap, I am weird. Over the past few months, I have suffered severely with my skin. Mostly this is due to the combination of hormones and the artic conditions the UK has seen recently. When my skin is in bad shape, I feel terrible. Within the past month my skin has transformed and become much more nourished and dare I say it? Glowing.

The products I have shared with you are my go to products for my very lazy skincare routine. They’re all drugstore but-oh-so amazing.

Gainer Micellar Water, £4.99

Whether you’re a lazy skin care lover(like me) or a skin care aficionado, we can all agree that removing make up is skincare 101. And in my 10+ years of wiping away my poor attempts of instagram make up, I have never found anything as amazing as Garnier Micellar water. This light formula leaves my skin feeling fresh and clean ready for any other steps I fancy.

Another reason I adore this magic little potion is that it is available in most drug stores, supermarkets, airports- basically anywhere you can think of sells this god send.

Tea Tree and Witch Hazel spot stick, £4.49

A Boots own bargain!

Now as a rule I love Boots Tea Tree and Witchhazel range- but this spot stick is something else. When my hormones are at an all time high I get very painful cyst like spots (TMI, I know) which often leave me so conscious about my skin.

Applying this day and night cream to the spots doesn’t automatically change your skin but it does treat the readiness and eases the pain that comes with it. Over a week or two the spot subsides and the scaring really is left to a minimum.

Garnier, fresh-mix tissue mask, £2.99.

After Jamie Genieve raved about these amazing drugstore sheetmasks, I ran to books and bough 6.

The past few months has seen me struggle to apply make up or even just feeling comfortable on my no make up days, due to my sore dry skin. Applying the glow mask a few times a week really has helped my skin find a healthy glow that I’ve always wanted.

Unlike many, this sheet mask is so light and leaves minimal excess on my skin. And the excess product it does leave, is so easy to blend into the skin (with absolutely no effort). Garnier Fresh-Mix sheet masks have revolutionised my skin care- and I’m so happy about it.

Burts bee’s lip scrub, £6.99.

In the words of my best mate ‘Anything Burt’s Bees won’t ever let you down’ and she’s right. I have totally fallen in love with Burts Bees and don’t think I’ve been without a BB product in my hand bag for well over a year.

This honey sugar scrub is quite light and doesn’t leave any residue others do. The serum does club together but only takes a wipe and your lips are nourished and smooth. Perfect, and not messy!

Lanolips, £8.99.

Yes, I was one of the many influenced by Lydia Elise Millen to buy Lanolips. And honestly, it is bloody brilliant.

Adding Lanolips (in rhubarb), to my make up bag allows me to feel so much better even without make up. The nourishing gloss, not only helps my weather hating lips (literally every damn season) but the slight tint just finishes of my basic full face of Make up.

When I don’t use this product my lips return back into the sore dehydrated brains of my life they always are. Lanolips is my cure, for any lip issues I have, and all for £8.99!

Skincare is such a personal thing and if you’re a person who really loves to splurge on skincare then, you do you. Yet, for women such as myself I just don’t feel like an in-depth skincare routine is for me. These simple, yet effective products are things I reach for daily and couldn’t not share these affordable skin care items with you.

Hope you enjoyed!

What do you use in your skincare routine? Do you use any of the products I’ve talked about? Or do you even adore a lavish skincare routine? Please let me know in the comments.

Em x

Three 2018 realisations.

This year has been the year of,like, realising stuff- Kylie Jenner.

2018, has been a year I needed. An eye opening realisation, that the only thing holding my life back was me. And believe me it’s something I’ve rectified.

Over the years I’ve always thought I had to be some one else- that showing the real me would leave me lonely and insecure. Whilst at times I still feel those things in abundance, accepting who I am has only made me happier. With being happier my somewhat dull personality shines through, all the dorky, sarcastic and slightly flirty characteristics that once made my skin crawl sends me into hysterics. In short, 2018 is the year I finally accepted the person who I am and dropped my persona.

I’ve lost people along the way.

Towards the end of 2018, I backed away from a lot of friendships. Some I massively regret, others I’m not in the slightest bit bothered about. Losing the friends I have over the past 9 months has made me realise that friendships aren’t a two way street. Often one has feels the need to be there far more than the other. It’s unfair, but severely honest.I have always kept my friendship group small, I’m just not a ‘friends with everyone and their dogs, instantly’ kind of girl. And that’s perfectly okay.

In friendships I look for comfort. Comfort in the knowledge, that if I didn’t speak to a friend for months, if I needed them- they’d be there. Friends which bring sarcasm, prosecco and chic flicks after a break up( or just a Sunday). Being comfortable in any relationship is a big deal, and focusing on friendships which bring me nothing but comfort and sarcasm, are my best kinds of friendships.

Being selfish.

I’ve been pretty selfish over the past twelve months. And I am completely not ashamed to admit it. I’ve previously spoken about my anxiety and the struggles I have with confidence, being selfish was and still is needed.

I’ve slowly learnt to put myself first, to make my goals and happiness a priority. Waving goodbye to negative impacts, people and clothing(we’ve all got that sneaky dress hanging in our wardrobes that we will never fit back into). Over the past 9 months I feel better not only in my own skin but in the person who I am.

I may not be as confident as I would hope to be, but steps are being taken to unleash my inner Miranda priestly whilst of course embracing my Miranda heart qualities.

Accepting being alone.

For the longest time I’ve wanted to be with someone. I’d love to come home to a cuddle after an awful day at work, but unfortunately life had other plans for me. And as I write this post I Am so great fun it’s worked out that way.

Right now, I have some amazing changes coming, things that wouldn’t be a alive toe if I wear to be coupled up. As a rule I feel so empowered to continue to create a life that I want, that I deserve. I will never be the shell of a girl I once was and it wasn’t until I writing this post I realised, that no man ‘saved me’. I did, well, me, the girls and copious amount of gin.

In the next week I will be sharing some of the amazing news I’ve received recently. I can’t wait to share what is coming- 2019 is going to be the year of an empowered Em- and it’s about bloody time!

Always,

Em x

A lil’ update.

If you hadn’t noticed emrambles has been severely neglected over the past three months. And honestly, I don’t have any other reason than I’ve been severely unhappy with my life.

In the past few weeks I’ve had more fall outs, tears and questions about my sanity than Jeremy Kyle has DNA tests. The level of uncertainty I have in my life has made me horrible to be around. Feeling uncertain makes me anxious, and when I’m anxious I crumble- I just can’t cope.

After a few doctors appointments( and sobs) I’ve finally got the wheels in motion to make me feel better. To concentrate on what I want in life and move closer to the stability I have always dreamed off.

You all know I love Hello October’s motivational Monday’s, a few weeks ago she shared a quote which resonated with me.

The only person going to give you the stability you crave, is you.

So from now on, that is what I intend to do.

Thank you for sticking with me! A new post will be up on Sunday!

Always love,

Em x

Being ‘Mediocre’ Me.

Over the past few years I’ve realised I am ridiculously mediocre. I’m no Victoria secret model, I’m no brain surgeon and to be honest, I’m just not that interesting.

Whilst friends have gone traveling, dropped a lot of weight, had families – or just generally been amazing. I’ve skated by never really stepping out of my comfort zone.

Achieving the unobtainable?

Mediocre – of only average quality; not very good.

Google, 2018

Being mediocre is arguably, a personal judgement. For me I will always say I could work harder to create opportunities to start the career I dream off- rather than eat chocolate, drink wine and binge on a new Netflix series.

I will always feel as if I’m mediocre, because my goals were so unachievable. Goals should be something to work towards rather than to create boundaries. Positivity, or what ever you want to call it, should run through you whenever you tip toe towards any goal. For me, personally, it just wasn’t the case. Goals became a way I restricted my happiness- so I completely scrapped them. And right now, I have no idea what I want.

Yes, I still want to own my own home(one of my major life goals), but what would be the point in finding more freedom if I was just restricting myself from amazing opportunities, which could come my way?

Its not about effort.

As much as I say I have skated by, I can say that I’ve worked bloody hard to achieve the little I have. For years I never thought much about myself- or at least nothing positive. So when it comes to completing a task, and doing it to the best of my ability, I was left completely deflated. No matter the amount of hours I’ve put in, the effort, the tears- I’ve never felt like it was enough. For me, my own expectations were my biggest enemy. I am my own worst enemy.

Take my blog for example, I adore it. In fact I have about 12 blog posts almost ready to go. Yet, the thing that holds be back isn’t the effort behind the writing but the belief that there even worth reading.

Right now?

I have no idea where the hell my life is going. And I’m not mad about it.

Over the past 10 years I’ve always had a plan. Set goals and deadlines that were realistically never going to happen. As long as my life is moving forward, I’m happy and healthy- I could not give a sh*t.

Of course, my life hasn’t be a bed of roses, and I am simply not naive enough to think it will be. I do know one thing. Whatever the future holds, there will be a lot of wine, a lot of laughs and most certainly a few more blog posts.

Always love.

Em x

What blogging means to me.

Blogging, right now, is completely the love of my life. I love spilling out my ideas into words, even if noone reads them. My little blog, is just that. Mine.

Over the past year I have grown a little in confidence. Blogging has completely attributed to that. After finally being able to home in on the content that I want to create, I finally was able to start accepting my flaws and laugh the embarrassment of yet another fuck up away.

Truth be told I probably have an unhealthy attachment to the blogosphere. From dispising trolls and championing bloggers when they succeed. Blogging brought me out of my shell and allowed me to figure out ,somewhat ,who I wanted to be.

I will be forever grateful for that.

Having a voice.

For years I never felt my opinion mattered; I didn’t think I did. Being able to express that on my blog, to find others felt the same shocked me to my core.

The more I wrote, the more I found my opinion mattered. For months I didn’t understand that people were actively responding to the words I was using. I found a voice, that people didn’t seem to hate. And in time I started to listen to my own views more and more.

Bad dates, lack of confidence, my hatred of the way I look- I have pretty much shared my insecurities with every reader. The more I wrote the more I accepted the things that had happened to me, the shit I’ve done and laugh at the down right questionable experiences.

I found that I may just be somewhat relatable to others. And sharing my weird experiences, views and innuendos, might just make others feel less of a fuck up.

Relatable vs Luxury ?

With so many bloggers in the bloggersphere, everyone has blogs which relate to them. For me, personally, blogging is relatable. Even inspiring luxury blogs still home some sort of relatable aspects for most. Take Lydia Elise Millen, for example. Sure, she buys handbags I can only dream off, travels to places I may never see in my life time, but she is relatable. Her openness about mental health, feeling inadequate in not only her life but in the blogosphere and of course, her love of Zoflora.

No matter the genre, blogging is relatable to almost every person alive.

There’s so many bloggers.

According to Aquora.com, that in 2013 there was 152 million bloggers in the world. A figure which has grown rapidly since.

I have to admit even I was shocked at that figure- although not surprised. Of course there are a heck of a lot of bloggers out there, but that isn’t a bad thing. There is so much choice out there for readers. Genuine content, amazingly beautiful images and likeable bloggers thrive in the blogosphere.

The amount of bloggers for me personally, shown the amount of people that needed some where to find their voice. To share their loves, excitement and hopes for the future. As cheesey at the cheese counter at Sainsbury’s, blogging has allowed so many creators to find a voice, confidence and friends- it makes my heart burst with pride.

And me?

I love being relatable. Blogging for me has been something that I can be 100% honest with. The embarrassment of walking into doors, honesty about my life and even really dodgy fake tans- I hope my take makes others feel better about their misgivings.

Blogging is relatable to the reader- it’s that simple. A blog post may not be relevant to you at that time, but in six months, a year or even 5, it just may be.

Right now, I talk a lot about my point of view in life. And honestly that isn’t going to change. For me, product reviews can be saved for bloggers such as Debra Bow, travel for I’m just a girl and luxury Lydia Millen.

Being laugh out loud, relatable is me. And my blog should represent that. In such a (hate the word vomit I’m going to spill) saturated industry, you are you’re own selling point and if others don’t like it, then there’s plenty of other people that will.

Blogging is amazing. It’s that simple. I don’t intend in dropping it from my life or changing the content I create.

I am so happy I found blogging. It allows me to share my dorky stories, embrace the chaos and champion the new chapters in my life. Thank you for the people who continue to support me

Always love,

Em x

Being my own security.

When I think about the last few years, I don’t think of anything other than feeling anxious. This feeling doesn’t just cover losing my grandparents, or suffering with panic attacks, it was something dealt with daily. If I’m entirely honest I don’t know what life’s like without this feeling.Feeling anxious has been with me on every life change, I have ever attempted and been there if I ever gave up, too. It’s only been recently that I’ve realised that this feeling in my chest can be used to spur me on rather than hold me back.

Anxious not anxiety.

Before I continue to write this post I just wanted to clarify this post is discussing the feeling of being ‘anxious’ not anxiety. Anxiety is a form of mental illness that we have no ability to control, it slowly takes over your life until you don’t know who you are. I can speak from personal experience that anxiety doesn’t play fair. Being ‘Anxious’, is the feeling in your tummy when you are about to do something out of your comfort zone. Once the task is over the feeling sub-dudes, with anxiety that is certainly not the case. For more information on anxiety please see the Mind website.

The original dream…

When I was a young un’, I thought my life was planned out for me. I thought I’d be happy- I had my plan, so I was good to go and start my adult life,right? If I’m honest, I held on my to my plan until I reached my early twenties, then when it became brutally apparent that my plan needed to be rethought, I struggled to let it go.

  • I’d go to uni and graduate with a first. Okay, i did go to uni and I did graduate but not with a first. I got a 2:1 through a lot of work, tears and trips to the spar for cherry coke. I look back at that time in my life and honestly, I was a complete mess. I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be, if I am entirely honest I don’t know if university was worth it.
  • Find my dream job in a high end fashion house. Safe to say this didn’t even remotely happen. And I’m glad, I don’t think I would be happy or ,as much as it pains me to say , fit in at a fashion house. To this day I still adore fashion, I love seeing reworked trends, pieces being influenced by great artists but would I want to work in such a demanding environment? Probably not.
  • Be married and own my own home by 25- Excuse me whilst I fall on the floor laughing.*And BREATH*.
  • Evidentially my younger self didn’t understand work, or saving or how much living costs. Scrapping this plan is so bloody nerve wracking but the changes I am making(and even already started) are very much needed.
  • Ma new plan.

  • It may not come as a surprise to some of you that the majority of this plan revolves around security. My life has always been chaotic, I’ve never really known what feeling secure at home is. Over the next few months I am so excited to finally see the changes I want to make start and hopefully in the not too distant future, actually be completed.
  • ‘The only person who is going to give you security and the life you want is you’ -Hello October (Suzie Bonaldi), Motivational Monday’s, instagram.

  • Here goes…
    • Save, save, save. Right now I’m skint, my savings have all but disappeared and honestly I’m not quite sure I’ll make it to pay day without a number of break downs. I hate this feeling of uncertainty when it comes to money. Knowing I can comfortably pay my bills if I lost my job really does mean a lot to me. So, saving is a huge must for me
      I want to own my own homealone. I doubt everything I do, so feeling secure in my own home, which I saved for and bought on my own, is a huge deal for me. Even the goal itself came as a huge realisation. I don’t want to continue to live at home relying on my parents and paying the bare minimum. It’s time for your girl to find her own way in life.
      Continue to believe in myself. Since i had a glimmer of hope (starting my new job), I have started to believe in myself. A statement I never thought possible. I’d love to push myself further and feel better about how I live from day to day. I’d love to shut the doubting voice inside my head up once and for all, but if not I’d just like to turn the volume down a little.
      Be happy. I really do just want to be happy. Obviously there will be times in everyone’s lives where being happy 24/7 isn’t possible. And that’s okay. I would love to find happiness in most days, even just for a few moments. Moments such as the first coffee in the morning, giggles with the girls or even just a snuggle from my pooch.

    What security means to me.

    Security- a thing deposited or pledged as a guarantee of the fulfilment of an undertaking or the repayment of a loan, to be forfeited in case of default.- Oxford dictionary.

    Security means completely different things to different people. Personally, security means to be able to stand on my own two feet, to work for the things I want in life and not apologise for them. To be comfortable in my own skin and to know I don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea. Essentially, I want to be able to live my life without the feeling of anxiousness limit the things I do and want to do in the future.

    From now on.

    The next steps have kind of been prepped to within an inch of excels life. I’ve started a savings spreadsheets, budgeted for the month and really homed in on the things I need and the things I don’t. In terms of confidence, I have pushed myself to speak to new people and say yes to more experiences. Here’s, to being my own security, I can’t wait to share the next few months with you. Continue reading “Being my own security.”

    To the women, who don’t know…

    F7DA3C81-7F32-44C5-880E-F3F04F864F43Women, arguably the better sex (let’s face it we are), we empower each other, sometimes without even knowing it. From the caring drunk girls at the club, to the empowered CEO who owns the boardroom, or the mummies who give their lives to the next generation, women are pretty incredible. As much as I am aware that men thrive in all areas too, I personally find something amazing about the undeniable tenacity As much as I am aware that men thrive in all areas too, I personally find something amazing about the undeniable tenacity of females. Sorry, but really not, sorry of females. Sorry, but really not, sorry.

    This post isn’t about feminism, this is a post aimed to share the women who make me, me. Who make me strive to be better, who make me want to focus my heart on soul into a career. Basically, this is a nod to the women who indirectly make me feel empowered but will never know it.

    *Sam the Accountant.

    First up, let’s call her *Sam the accountant. Sam* rocks all outfits with a fuck this shit attitude. Whenever she walks in a room people know she’s there. From her, oh I just woke up like this tousled hair to the, can walk for miles in six inch heels kind of look. She not only owns her look but she commands a room.

    And what does Sam* make me want to be you ask? Confident. Sam may not be confident all the time- none of us ever are, but she has confidence in her own abilities. Doubting yourself aides fuck all nothing, it limits your self-worth, tames your talent and creates havoc on your ambition. If I am ever to learn anything from Sam* I hope it’s to own your talents and wear them with pride. You go Sam.

    Tory*, the nail tech.

    Now this one is a little strange- a little like Tory*. Tory* is currently in her own word having a Spiritual crisis. With her emotions telling her one thing and she body telling her another. Does she let anything stop her? No. Day dreaming her way through life, one achievement at a time, she surpasses even her own expectations- not that she would ever stop to see that.

    What have I learnt from Tory*? Day dreaming shouldn’t be sniffed at, it should be embraced. By nature both Tory* and I are day dreamers. We are often told to get our heads out of the clouds and into something productive. Yet, what if one day our day dreams become a reality? What if the day dreams which help is get through the day, are in fact out brains trying to remind us, of our goals, form becoming a writer to becoming a family?

    Keep day dreaming Tory*.

    Sophie, the mommy.

    Okay, so Sophie, kind of one of my besties but here’s the thing. We live over 400 miles apart. Sophie does anything she can for her little one. She struggles daily with chronic pain which sometimes can leave her more than a little anxious. Does that stop her from being a mum? NO. Does that stop her from running her own business? No. DOES IT STOP HER FROM BEING MY AGONY AUNT AFTER I’VE FUCKED UP FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME? Nah, she laughs and reminds me I’m a hufflepuff.

    And what have I learned from soph*? Love.

    {Inserts break for vomiting.}

    Soph showed me that no matter what you are going through, no matter the reason, the people who love you will always give you a reason to strive to be better. Sometimes the empowerment you need is at the end of a hug, and I love you or even a bottle of tequila. Soph* is an amazing mum that worries about her abilities, she need to never do that. Soph* you are truly amazing.

     

    *People who I have mentioned throughout this blog posts names have been changed, to protect them and myself from any embarrassment in the future.

    Women are often type casted as bitches, as people who will tear someone down when there are unhappy themselves. Yet, all too often its other women that push us (yes, shocker I am female, too) to continue to be better. To build a world of positives rather than negative. It might just be me, but I wanted to share a little nod to the women who may not know it, but have a huge impact in my life.

    Thank you, your boss ass babes.

    Always love,

    Em x