Being ‘Mediocre’ Me.

Being ‘Mediocre’ Me.

Over the past few years I’ve realised I am ridiculously mediocre. I’m no Victoria secret model, I’m no brain surgeon and to be honest, I’m just not that interesting.

Whilst friends have gone traveling, dropped a lot of weight, had families – or just generally been amazing. I’ve skated by never really stepping out of my comfort zone.

Achieving the unobtainable?

Mediocre – of only average quality; not very good.

Google, 2018

Being mediocre is arguably, a personal judgement. For me I will always say I could work harder to create opportunities to start the career I dream off- rather than eat chocolate, drink wine and binge on a new Netflix series.

I will always feel as if I’m mediocre, because my goals were so unachievable. Goals should be something to work towards rather than to create boundaries. Positivity, or what ever you want to call it, should run through you whenever you tip toe towards any goal. For me, personally, it just wasn’t the case. Goals became a way I restricted my happiness- so I completely scrapped them. And right now, I have no idea what I want.

Yes, I still want to own my own home(one of my major life goals), but what would be the point in finding more freedom if I was just restricting myself from amazing opportunities, which could come my way?

Its not about effort.

As much as I say I have skated by, I can say that I’ve worked bloody hard to achieve the little I have. For years I never thought much about myself- or at least nothing positive. So when it comes to completing a task, and doing it to the best of my ability, I was left completely deflated. No matter the amount of hours I’ve put in, the effort, the tears- I’ve never felt like it was enough. For me, my own expectations were my biggest enemy. I am my own worst enemy.

Take my blog for example, I adore it. In fact I have about 12 blog posts almost ready to go. Yet, the thing that holds be back isn’t the effort behind the writing but the belief that there even worth reading.

Right now?

I have no idea where the hell my life is going. And I’m not mad about it.

Over the past 10 years I’ve always had a plan. Set goals and deadlines that were realistically never going to happen. As long as my life is moving forward, I’m happy and healthy- I could not give a sh*t.

Of course, my life hasn’t be a bed of roses, and I am simply not naive enough to think it will be. I do know one thing. Whatever the future holds, there will be a lot of wine, a lot of laughs and most certainly a few more blog posts.

Always love.

Em x

What blogging means to me.

Blogging, right now, is completely the love of my life. I love spilling out my ideas into words, even if noone reads them. My little blog, is just that. Mine.

Over the past year I have grown a little in confidence. Blogging has completely attributed to that. After finally being able to home in on the content that I want to create, I finally was able to start accepting my flaws and laugh the embarrassment of yet another fuck up away.

Truth be told I probably have an unhealthy attachment to the blogosphere. From dispising trolls and championing bloggers when they succeed. Blogging brought me out of my shell and allowed me to figure out ,somewhat ,who I wanted to be.

I will be forever grateful for that.

Having a voice.

For years I never felt my opinion mattered; I didn’t think I did. Being able to express that on my blog, to find others felt the same shocked me to my core.

The more I wrote, the more I found my opinion mattered. For months I didn’t understand that people were actively responding to the words I was using. I found a voice, that people didn’t seem to hate. And in time I started to listen to my own views more and more.

Bad dates, lack of confidence, my hatred of the way I look- I have pretty much shared my insecurities with every reader. The more I wrote the more I accepted the things that had happened to me, the shit I’ve done and laugh at the down right questionable experiences.

I found that I may just be somewhat relatable to others. And sharing my weird experiences, views and innuendos, might just make others feel less of a fuck up.

Relatable vs Luxury ?

With so many bloggers in the bloggersphere, everyone has blogs which relate to them. For me, personally, blogging is relatable. Even inspiring luxury blogs still home some sort of relatable aspects for most. Take Lydia Elise Millen, for example. Sure, she buys handbags I can only dream off, travels to places I may never see in my life time, but she is relatable. Her openness about mental health, feeling inadequate in not only her life but in the blogosphere and of course, her love of Zoflora.

No matter the genre, blogging is relatable to almost every person alive.

There’s so many bloggers.

According to Aquora.com, that in 2013 there was 152 million bloggers in the world. A figure which has grown rapidly since.

I have to admit even I was shocked at that figure- although not surprised. Of course there are a heck of a lot of bloggers out there, but that isn’t a bad thing. There is so much choice out there for readers. Genuine content, amazingly beautiful images and likeable bloggers thrive in the blogosphere.

The amount of bloggers for me personally, shown the amount of people that needed some where to find their voice. To share their loves, excitement and hopes for the future. As cheesey at the cheese counter at Sainsbury’s, blogging has allowed so many creators to find a voice, confidence and friends- it makes my heart burst with pride.

And me?

I love being relatable. Blogging for me has been something that I can be 100% honest with. The embarrassment of walking into doors, honesty about my life and even really dodgy fake tans- I hope my take makes others feel better about their misgivings.

Blogging is relatable to the reader- it’s that simple. A blog post may not be relevant to you at that time, but in six months, a year or even 5, it just may be.

Right now, I talk a lot about my point of view in life. And honestly that isn’t going to change. For me, product reviews can be saved for bloggers such as Debra Bow, travel for I’m just a girl and luxury Lydia Millen.

Being laugh out loud, relatable is me. And my blog should represent that. In such a (hate the word vomit I’m going to spill) saturated industry, you are you’re own selling point and if others don’t like it, then there’s plenty of other people that will.

Blogging is amazing. It’s that simple. I don’t intend in dropping it from my life or changing the content I create.

I am so happy I found blogging. It allows me to share my dorky stories, embrace the chaos and champion the new chapters in my life. Thank you for the people who continue to support me

Always love,

Em x

Being my own security.

When I think about the last few years, I don’t think of anything other than feeling anxious. This feeling doesn’t just cover losing my grandparents, or suffering with panic attacks, it was something dealt with daily. If I’m entirely honest I don’t know what life’s like without this feeling.Feeling anxious has been with me on every life change, I have ever attempted and been there if I ever gave up, too. It’s only been recently that I’ve realised that this feeling in my chest can be used to spur me on rather than hold me back.

Anxious not anxiety.

Before I continue to write this post I just wanted to clarify this post is discussing the feeling of being ‘anxious’ not anxiety. Anxiety is a form of mental illness that we have no ability to control, it slowly takes over your life until you don’t know who you are. I can speak from personal experience that anxiety doesn’t play fair. Being ‘Anxious’, is the feeling in your tummy when you are about to do something out of your comfort zone. Once the task is over the feeling sub-dudes, with anxiety that is certainly not the case. For more information on anxiety please see the Mind website.

The original dream…

When I was a young un’, I thought my life was planned out for me. I thought I’d be happy- I had my plan, so I was good to go and start my adult life,right? If I’m honest, I held on my to my plan until I reached my early twenties, then when it became brutally apparent that my plan needed to be rethought, I struggled to let it go.

  • I’d go to uni and graduate with a first. Okay, i did go to uni and I did graduate but not with a first. I got a 2:1 through a lot of work, tears and trips to the spar for cherry coke. I look back at that time in my life and honestly, I was a complete mess. I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be, if I am entirely honest I don’t know if university was worth it.
  • Find my dream job in a high end fashion house. Safe to say this didn’t even remotely happen. And I’m glad, I don’t think I would be happy or ,as much as it pains me to say , fit in at a fashion house. To this day I still adore fashion, I love seeing reworked trends, pieces being influenced by great artists but would I want to work in such a demanding environment? Probably not.
  • Be married and own my own home by 25- Excuse me whilst I fall on the floor laughing.*And BREATH*.
  • Evidentially my younger self didn’t understand work, or saving or how much living costs. Scrapping this plan is so bloody nerve wracking but the changes I am making(and even already started) are very much needed.
  • Ma new plan.

  • It may not come as a surprise to some of you that the majority of this plan revolves around security. My life has always been chaotic, I’ve never really known what feeling secure at home is. Over the next few months I am so excited to finally see the changes I want to make start and hopefully in the not too distant future, actually be completed.
  • ‘The only person who is going to give you security and the life you want is you’ -Hello October (Suzie Bonaldi), Motivational Monday’s, instagram.

  • Here goes…
    • Save, save, save. Right now I’m skint, my savings have all but disappeared and honestly I’m not quite sure I’ll make it to pay day without a number of break downs. I hate this feeling of uncertainty when it comes to money. Knowing I can comfortably pay my bills if I lost my job really does mean a lot to me. So, saving is a huge must for me
      I want to own my own homealone. I doubt everything I do, so feeling secure in my own home, which I saved for and bought on my own, is a huge deal for me. Even the goal itself came as a huge realisation. I don’t want to continue to live at home relying on my parents and paying the bare minimum. It’s time for your girl to find her own way in life.
      Continue to believe in myself. Since i had a glimmer of hope (starting my new job), I have started to believe in myself. A statement I never thought possible. I’d love to push myself further and feel better about how I live from day to day. I’d love to shut the doubting voice inside my head up once and for all, but if not I’d just like to turn the volume down a little.
      Be happy. I really do just want to be happy. Obviously there will be times in everyone’s lives where being happy 24/7 isn’t possible. And that’s okay. I would love to find happiness in most days, even just for a few moments. Moments such as the first coffee in the morning, giggles with the girls or even just a snuggle from my pooch.

    What security means to me.

    Security- a thing deposited or pledged as a guarantee of the fulfilment of an undertaking or the repayment of a loan, to be forfeited in case of default.- Oxford dictionary.

    Security means completely different things to different people. Personally, security means to be able to stand on my own two feet, to work for the things I want in life and not apologise for them. To be comfortable in my own skin and to know I don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea. Essentially, I want to be able to live my life without the feeling of anxiousness limit the things I do and want to do in the future.

    From now on.

    The next steps have kind of been prepped to within an inch of excels life. I’ve started a savings spreadsheets, budgeted for the month and really homed in on the things I need and the things I don’t. In terms of confidence, I have pushed myself to speak to new people and say yes to more experiences. Here’s, to being my own security, I can’t wait to share the next few months with you. Continue reading “Being my own security.”

    Slut Shamers: Back off.

    Slut Shamers: Back off.

    After falling completely head over heels for the love island hype, I’ve recently been wondering about slut shaming. Personally I can’t quite believe that in this day and age the term slut is still used at all. Women are empowered, beautiful and successful, but when it comes to sex are we still meant to blush at the word orgasm?Millennial women are constantly told not to settle, to strive for the world and never apologise for it. Yet when it comes to sex are we meant to sit and wait man or woman of our dreams to come barrelling through the bed room door?

    Are we meant to settle?

    It has been statistically proven that having an active sex life relieves stress and can even extend your life. And I think most of us can agree that great sex is most definitely a stress reliever.With women striving for great careers, dream homes, travelling the world. Why are we expected to settle for a poor sex life? Both men and women judge, it’s one of the down sides to being human. Neither sex is golden when it comes to judgement. And that is exactly what slut shaming is, judgment. And I’m not for it.

    It’s a numbers game.

    10, 20, 0? Does it really matter what happens in our own rooms as long as it’s consensual? We’ve all at one time or another been made to feel shit about our sex life, lack of or even fruitful. It’s quite shameful that both men and women play the slut shaming game. If women were to wait for their dream partner to get off fifa, stop scratching their knackers and finally attempt to figure out the female anatomy, then we may be waiting a heck of a long time.

    But men have needs.

    Hate to knock you off that pedestal you’re on, but so do women. In fact a woman’s clitorius is 12 inches long. Which I think most people can agree can put men to shame. Sorry not sorry.

    I’m not shaming men

    This post is not me shaming men, in fact it’s not even meant to shame women but over the past few weeks I have seen so many tweets, comments and everything in the middle discussing women’s sex lives. Many of which fit into the slut shaming bubble. Didn’t your mum tell you, if you didn’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all?

    It’s no ones right to sex.

    Believe it or not, one gender doesn’t have the right to sex over the other. Gone are the days (or AT least they should be) where there is judgement when it comes to sex and the number of sexual partners you have.

    Slut shaming needs to be a thing of the past. The negative implications of shaming others for enjoying themselves can stick with someone for life. Think about what you’re saying, how you say it and even if it’s worth saying it at all. Continue reading “Slut Shamers: Back off.”

    Scared of being me?

    Hello you! This post is something that I hoped to right months ago, but I couldn’t. I’ve been struggling for a very long time. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to be. I put on weight, I was unhappy to my core and work made me cry daily. In today’s post I wanted to write a little reminder to both myself and others, that sometimes t takes one change to create a huge positive impact on your life. So, here goes…I’ve not felt myself in a very long time. In fact, if I’m being honest I couldn’t tell you the last time I laughed until my stomached or the last time I championed myself to do something I was scared to. Because I was just that, scared.

    Scared of failing?

    Scared to let the ones I love down. Scared to not be the person I wanted to be. Yet, to frightened to make the changes needed to become the person I hoped I was. Often I describe my past self as a shell of a person and I don’t think I ever really upgraded to anything more.

    The change.

    June, a month that kicked my arse into gear. Honestly, because of those changes I finally feel, a little more like me. Sure, I’ve not belly laughed or done anything drastic to improve anyone one else’s life. However, I’ve let myself be happy. Of course I’m still shit scared of failing, but after weeks in a new situation I’m much more confident. I may not be strutting around like Naomi Campbell, but I’m not flailing around like a turtle stuck on its back either. Finally piece by piece, step by step, prossecco by prossecco, I finally feel like I’m getting my shit together.

    What feeling like ‘me’ is ?

    Honesty, I have no clue. Other than the fact I don’t second guess myself anymore. Nor do I tell myself off after screwing up for the millionth time. I now champion the things I’ve done right and reward myself for them. Right now, I’m planning ahead. Booking in cocktails with the girls and just give myself a break. No one in this world is harsher in you than you are. Once you stop and give yourself a break the world seems a lot less grey.

    Hello, confidence? Are you there?

    By nature I’m not the most confident of folks. Without a bottle of prosecco in me I probably wouldn’t tell my fave bloggers, I love them. Or big up my bestie for all the emotional support she’s gave me when I didn’t know my arse from my elbow. I can say I am getting better. I know myself and I don’t plan on stopping, no matter what life throws my way. So Meg Says you could be on for many more ‘you’re bloody amazing’ messages, sorry not sorry!

    Exceptions to my rules.

    I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, recently I’ve been able to control them. For some this isn’t the case, if you are feeling like the world is getting to much and you don’t have enough room to breathe, then organisations like mind can help. If you need any other help please get in touch and I will try to help as best as I can.

    What next?

    I don’t know. And I’m petrified to find out. All I’m hoping for is I finally find my laugh and there’s lashing of gin and prosecco along the way. Continue reading “Scared of being me?”

    Goals for July.

    June. What can I say about you, other than you have been a bloody whirl wind. From finding a new fragrance, to getting a new job and losing all my confidence along the way, it’s safe to say this month has made me learn a thing or two.

    As I sit and write this on one of the hottest days of the year, with a glass of Savion and an empty wrapper of aero at my side- I can proudly say I have never been happier. Over the last month I have questioned every inch of my life. Checking, double checking and even sending out a few ‘am I really doing this’ text to the girls.

    Everything I questioned. Idid. What ever plays out over the coming months I can say, with a 100% certainty, that I am much stronger than i believe i am.

    (Life update coming soon, babes)

    Now let’s get to July

    July is (or at least I hope) slightly quiet compared to June. No birthdays, lunches out or new jobs – well, I hope not. Yes, this may have something to do with the fact I absolutely broke until the end of the month, or that I barely have a social life, but to be honest I’m excited for a break.

    No1. Take some time for me.

    Now, I’m not talking about taking one Sunday afternoon to read my book. I really want to take some time to figure out what I want and where I’m going. The past month has left me a pretty exhausted to be honest.

    Recently, I’ve been using meditation a few times a week to really home in on what I want in life and I’m so excited figure out ways to get my big life goals in motion.. although, my friends that’s for another time.

    Yoga, reading, facial? I’m not sure what’s going to happen but I’m really looking to finding something.

    No 2. Drink less.

    Don’t get me wrong I do like a tipple every now and again, but with the great British heat wave, I’ve been even more partial to a glass of white! So a major goal for me is to cut down on my drinking. ,

    Maybe just one night a week? Send rain, maybe?

    No 3. Find out what a bloody ISA is.

    Next on my adult to do list is …….. *drum rollll* savings. How adult of me. Any way, I’ve been debating putting some money away for a rainy day for a few months but recently I’ve had a lot of bills being paid off and wine to buy.

    ISA’s are a bit of a challenge for me. I’m just not sure what they are or even if it would work for me. So finding out the ins and out is pretty much a must for me.

    No 4. Get back in my diet.

    Yeah, I’m another girl on a diet. I haven’t lost a lot of weight over the last few months but I lost a little bit and it really made me feel much more confident within my body. So starting my healthier life style again is kind of needed.

    Right now my confidence is creeping back up and introducing a healthier life style again can only help.

    There you go my loves, my July goals. June’s been amazing- I can’t wait to tell you how July goes!

    Always love,

    Em x

    Goals For June.

    Hey babes!

    As you all know I use this blog as a little bit of diary, focusing on all areas of my life. Recently it dawned on me that sometimes this little blog can be a more doom and gloom than fruity and motivating. So, from now on in the midst of it all I want to share with you my goals for the month. 3 small things which not only lets you see a much more positive side of me but allows me to focus some energy on something a little more than finding the right pyjamas after a bit of a poor day.

    No 1. Cook More.

    If can’t cook won’t cook was a term for any one, it’s me. I tend to cock up even the easiest of readymade meals. Cooking doesn’t come naturally to me so this goal, fills me with dread. I’d love to cook a quick meal up for my family or friends and them not to politely tell me it takes of dish water.

    So, this month I aim to at least try to cook more, maybe just start with the easy stuff. You can’t burn salad can you?

    No 2. Find my Fragrance.

    Up until now I’ve been using The Body Shop’s Vanilla chai as my day to day. As much as I still adore this body spray, I kind of want something that feels a little more, well, grown up. With spring and summer finally popping out and reminding us that winter doesn’t last forever, its my goal to find a SS18 Fragrance I love.

    Best get looking!

    No 3. Save.

    Okay, a little boring but as I am sure my bank will agree a much needed goal. June is a pretty basic month for me and I really want to get my head down and Save. Winter is such a busy time for me so I love that summer is way more chilled.

    Without the millions of birthday, Christmas celebrations and gift giving, it is much easier for me to save in the summer. I promise this is the only boring month out of the four!

    No 4. Do something out of my comfort zone.

    Now, I ain’t gonna be jumping out of any plans, fighting lions or touching frogs (ewww), but I would love to do something I would have never thought to before. Even something as simple as catching up with a blogger I’ve never met before. A cocktail master class, perhaps? I don’t know, but I’m sure as hell ready to find out what.

    Just as theres no frogs involved. Deal?

    And there you have it my four goals for June! How the flipping heck did it get to JUNE! Heres to a happy and productive month!

    Always Love,

    Em x