Scared of being me?

Hello you! This post is something that I hoped to right months ago, but I couldn’t. I’ve been struggling for a very long time. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to be. I put on weight, I was unhappy to my core and work made me cry daily. In today’s post I wanted to write a little reminder to both myself and others, that sometimes t takes one change to create a huge positive impact on your life. So, here goes…I’ve not felt myself in a very long time. In fact, if I’m being honest I couldn’t tell you the last time I laughed until my stomached or the last time I championed myself to do something I was scared to. Because I was just that, scared.

Scared of failing?

Scared to let the ones I love down. Scared to not be the person I wanted to be. Yet, to frightened to make the changes needed to become the person I hoped I was. Often I describe my past self as a shell of a person and I don’t think I ever really upgraded to anything more.

The change.

June, a month that kicked my arse into gear. Honestly, because of those changes I finally feel, a little more like me. Sure, I’ve not belly laughed or done anything drastic to improve anyone one else’s life. However, I’ve let myself be happy. Of course I’m still shit scared of failing, but after weeks in a new situation I’m much more confident. I may not be strutting around like Naomi Campbell, but I’m not flailing around like a turtle stuck on its back either. Finally piece by piece, step by step, prossecco by prossecco, I finally feel like I’m getting my shit together.

What feeling like ‘me’ is ?

Honesty, I have no clue. Other than the fact I don’t second guess myself anymore. Nor do I tell myself off after screwing up for the millionth time. I now champion the things I’ve done right and reward myself for them. Right now, I’m planning ahead. Booking in cocktails with the girls and just give myself a break. No one in this world is harsher in you than you are. Once you stop and give yourself a break the world seems a lot less grey.

Hello, confidence? Are you there?

By nature I’m not the most confident of folks. Without a bottle of prosecco in me I probably wouldn’t tell my fave bloggers, I love them. Or big up my bestie for all the emotional support she’s gave me when I didn’t know my arse from my elbow. I can say I am getting better. I know myself and I don’t plan on stopping, no matter what life throws my way. So Meg Says you could be on for many more ‘you’re bloody amazing’ messages, sorry not sorry!

Exceptions to my rules.

I suffer with anxiety and panic attacks, recently I’ve been able to control them. For some this isn’t the case, if you are feeling like the world is getting to much and you don’t have enough room to breathe, then organisations like mind can help. If you need any other help please get in touch and I will try to help as best as I can.

What next?

I don’t know. And I’m petrified to find out. All I’m hoping for is I finally find my laugh and there’s lashing of gin and prosecco along the way. Always love. Em x

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