Single-rella: Lessons I learned from my Ex.

Hey guys,

I wanted to introduce this little series. Single-rella is a way I can share with you my tales, brain farts and plans for an independent life. In the past I have learned some stonking lessons and can’t help but think that others may need a helping hand like I do. Thus single-rella was born. I’m not sure when this post will come about, but I am sure that’s some of the topics, I am going to talk about will ring home to a few of you.

PSA: I know this could be one of the worst blog titles in existence, but it’s all I’ve got so I’m running with it.

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Now, let’s get on with it.

Moving forward, the dream aye. Leaving all your issues from past relationships, well, in the past. Naughty pics, late night ‘hey stranger’ texts and those disgusting little habits we pick up when we act like we’re in a relationship without the ‘EXCLUSIVE’ banner. When the excitement of the relationship(let’s call it that) dulls and the relationship reaches it ultimate end, we tend to tell ourselves we need to get over it and quick.

As time goes one we ultimately let go of the shitty relationships we have gone through but sometimes we have to have a little peek into our past to fully value the direction were going in. You all know I love cliché; sometimes we need to look back to see how far we’ve come.

*Vomit*

Society tell us constantly, constantly we need to continuously move forward, that looking back isn’t an option. When maybe looking back and realizing the ways our lives have changed is a must. A way that means we learn from our own lessons and continue to build a life we one dreamed we could have.

Relationships are a prime example. Reverting back to relationships is something we all have and probably will do again, if we are all honest. That one ex, we loved when the world was falling down around us, that no matter how bad life was treating us- no matter how bad they were treating us, we go back too.

Psychologically, I think we hold onto something so much that the people who surrounded us at that time become a crutch. No matter the circumstances of the ending of the relationship or the relationship itself for that matter, we constantly go back.

Is it a bad thing?

Of course, to some extent it’s a bad thing, But have you ever looked at an ex and thought why was I so besotted with you? Asking that question without any hate shows that you have moved on, and although another relationship isn’t on the cards you have let go of the whole situation. And if you are asking the dear old question with hate, then you’re not over them. Sorry to be the barer of blatantly obvious news.

Do I regret my ex? Sometimes, yes. Do I regret knowing what I want from a relationship because of said ex? No.

As I sit and write this I am so proud that I can now look back with the future I am creating and know that my life has changed. And will continue to change due to the lessons I learned in that relationship.

And what did I learn you ask?

Well. HERE GOES.

  • I will never stand by and let someone I am in love with compare me to other women. I am me and they are them. If said person thinks that other women are for more dateable than I then said fella can jump on the bus back home.
  • I will never be made to feel about my size, big or small. My ex often indirectly made me feel conscious about my weight. From the start, there were often comment which in hindsight he probably didn’t realize was an issue. AND HUNS ITS A NO FROM ME!
  • Sexting is cheating. That is all.
  • Follow my gut instinct. Now, following my gut instinct should have been rule one. If something feels a little iffy then it generally is.
  • I am all for equality, women should pay for their half of everything, but when It comes to paying for everything it’s a massive fucking no, no. And the same goes if I was a male. A relationship should be equal.
  • Please, be you. No matter what happens throughout the relationship if you feel like you’ve changed or something in the relationship is damaging your mental health, LEAVE. There will be other relationships that will come into your life but there is only one you.

 

What I’ll keep with me.

Obvs, not all of my relationship was bad but the times I learned the most from definitely wasn’t great. Essentially what I’ll keep with me is I need to know who I am and what I stand for before moving into another relationship. A year has passed, my anxiety attacks have significantly diminished and I most definitely have a little more confidence than what I had this time last year. Right now, for me that’s enough.

Yet, often I tend to look back and miss the person I was, I want to tell that shell of a girl that in a years’ time, after the shit storm that’s coming your way, you’ll know a little more of who you are and what you want. Single life isn’t all that bad, it’s time to be selfish and build the life you always wanted. An independent one.

OH, and you’re so much happier for it.

It doesn’t matter if your relationship was 3 months or 30 years, sometimes you will always associate yourself with someone. Whether the relationship has ended on good or bad or even the shitty ‘mutual’(which is never fucking mutual) terms, there’s that one person we will always have that one person we go back to when we’re a little lost. On one occasion though, you’ll know that’s it, that person is no longer your person but you can move forward with life knowing the shit that you went through, or even the shit you put them through, wasn’t right.

Move forward, love, and be happy.

We all deserve it.

Always love,

Em x

 

One thought on “Single-rella: Lessons I learned from my Ex.

  1. Bloody love this post! I have a similar post all about my ex coming up soon! I love being single but re-connecting with my ex recently meant a lot of memories I’d previously brushed under the carpet all came flooding back! It’s important to reflect on the past and look forward at the same time too!

    Sian x
    http://www.theenglisheverygirl.com

    Like

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