I’ve been meaning to write a post such as this for a little while, but nothing really spoke to me when I actually started to write. In 2018 I have realized that I don’t need to be what everyone expects nor do I need to listen to my inhibitions. Blogging has been amazing for my confidence, openly speaking to like-minded people who have dealt with similar issues has made me feel like I can cope.
I suppose in a round about way this is some sort of life update without the title. Over the next few weeks I really want to put the wheels in motion and finally allow myself to become what I have always wanted to be (cliché- vom in mouth moment).
Recently my motivations for all things- well, life has been questionable to say the least. Often it seems all too easy to stay in the comfort of my bedroom rather than push myself to do something I am dreaming off. For years I have been somewhat dependent on others. From my best friend continuously forcing me to find some sort of self-belief to the bank of mum and dad when things get a little dry. I have relied on others and possibly still do to a certain extent but things are changing.
Now don’t get me wrong, my self-belief is somewhat questionable and I still don’t manage my money as effectively as I should- but I am getting better. Over the past few months I have really thought about what I wanted to be, simply put 2018 is the year I find my independence.
To lay all my cards out on the table (hello dirty laundry), in the past I thought I needed people, and I don’t(nor does anyone else). I want people to be in my life because they want to be not because I need them to be. Unless there is a frog lounging on my bed in the early hours*, I want to be independent.
And so far, so good. Other than a few whiny text’s and a cry for help with a christening outfit, I can say that I have been standing on my own two feet rather than leaning on someone else.
*for those of you that are new here I am pathologically afraid of frogs.*
Balancing it out.
I am shit at the work/blog/social life balance. In fact I can’t remember when I have gone a week without double booking something or mixing the dates up which shouldn’t be forgotten (looking at you MOT). However, in recent weeks I have let the rains slack a little and allowed myself to just go with the fuck ups flow and have some sort of life outside of work.
This has had such a profound effect on my life, I am happier, I am more organized and I am sleeping so much better than I have been in months. No, I don’t have the best life but I am finally finding a way that I can manage my week and not have to say no to much.
Having my own back.
I didn’t really know whether or not to put this point in, but hey ho, here it is. Recently I have been put in a position which I had no control over but it most definitely effected my life. After one too many bad days at work and a few cups of coffee, I decided to stand up for myself.
Now, I am not saying I will ever do this again but those complaints were listened too and the errors have been rectified. I definitely don’t want to go into too much detail but I am so happy to finally say, I stuck up for myself. Hi five to me!
As much as I understand this post is somewhat tiresome, I really wanted to write this to let you know what goes on in my day to day. Iits all to easy to feel like your failing, when you really are creating a future you can believe in.
Cutting myself some slack has been monumental in my life. Call it a mid life crisis, from one happy 25 year old.