Mandards. What are they and why do we need them?

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Whilst I read another chapter of ‘Hot Mess’ by Lucy Vine. I can’t help but relate to the character of Ellie Knight. A twenty something serial dater, stuck in a lack luster job, constantly treading water until the next knock down(wonder why I empathize, aye). As the story continues another character (Jenny Ellie’s sister) mentions the standards Ellie has when it comes to men. Mandards.

Mandards definition:

A woman (or gentleman’s) ideal mate. An integral check list of both superficial and emotional stimulus which they desire in a potential mate. Usually taking the form of ‘ tall, funny, loyal ‘but is not limited to them – it could quite easily be something as cynical as having the same passion for Stars Wars.

This list is most definitely used as an aid when it comes to dating. With a new dating app being launched weekly it is only reasonable to create a list of things which desire in a significant other. Surely, we have to do this to keep our sanity when shifting through the aubergine emojis?

Mandards, are limited to the person themselves, however, if the all allusive ‘ONE’ *throws up in mouth* comes knocking at that door, then the mandards may just slip right on out of the window.

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My Mandards.

My dream man. Well if I am truly honest, I have no bloody clue. I have an inkling as to what I don’t want- it’s actually more than an inkling, but it sounds a lot nicer than ‘ I would rather put my boobs through a mincer’.

Boy bye!(Ha, I wish I was this sassy)

I won’t allow myself to be in a relationship which is detrimental to my mental health. So I suppose being supportive is kind of a must. The support I give others is something I pride myself on, so having someone that believes in me as much as I believe in others would be amazing.

Is height an issue?

I’d quite like them to be a little bit taller than I am. As superficial as it sounds, wearing my heels in public without the countdown to arguing as soon as the door closes at home. As much as I understand having your girlfriend tower over you (not really I’m 5’4 even in heels I look as towering as a rich tea), I can’t understand the flippant comments and eye rolls which have come with it in previous relationships.  And honestly it’s something I would love to leave in the past.

Know your Star wars to your Harry Potter.

I’m a big old nerd and would love nothing more than to have something to discuss how on earth Han Solo can understand Chewbacca or how the elder wand just happened to be in Dumbledore’s possession when it needed to be? Its nerdy conversations that keep the old magic flowing right ?

Needless to say, all of this would be pushed to the side, if I found someone who I could see a future with (don’t tell them), I would even put up with the odd heel argument too.

Dating is a bloody mind field.

Don’t believe Bridget Jones or Sex and the City, dating is difficult. Constantly putting yourself out there with very little interest can completely ruin your confidence. Many dates will end up with endless trips to the toilet and making the excuse that ‘ your gold fish is sick’ to escape the disaster that is yet another date.

Constantly thinking of new material to make yourself sound a little more interesting than you are, creating an illusion that you don’t spend half your life in your faded Harry Potter top and oversized pajama bottoms which fall down with every step. Forming a slightly twisted but still pretty on point ‘fantasy’ can be draining, especially if you are a serial dater.

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If you are anything like I am, dating is daunting to say the least. In fact I would go as far as to say I have had several panic attacks over dates that have never actually happened. Yup, that’s fun. Plainly put, I suck the big one when it comes to dating, purely down to the fact that I am too lazy to organize anything and too much of a control freak to trust anyone else to organize it. Oh, and I turn to jelly as soon as I see someone I remotely fancy. WINNING!

No f*ck boys allowed.

How can I put this politely?

At least one of my previously relationship was with a f*ck boy. He cheated very early in the relationship and it pretty much spiraled form there. My personal definition of an F boy to be is:

  • Someone who drains you mentally
  • A person who doesn’t value commitment.
  • And, lastly someone who compares you with other women, daily.

Unfortunately, women are just as bad as men in the respect that finding a worthwhile significant other usually involves wading out the shit to find the good. And there’s a heck of a lot of shit and not much good.

 

Every relationship, every date and if I’m going to be honest every day leads you to finding what you don’t want in life- especially when it comes to relationships. Dating is shitty, but having mandards does allow you to control what you want, control who you want to be and focus on finding a significant other which not only helps you find happiness, support and love.

 

Isn’t that the dream?

 

Do you have mandards? If so what are they ? Please let me know in the comments below.

Always love,

Em x

4 thoughts on “Mandards. What are they and why do we need them?

  1. I kind of think everyone has mandards to some extent, even if they don’t stick to them when it comes to it. Someone supportive is definitely an important one. I haven’t really though about what mine would be having been in a relationship for so long, but I’m sure I’d have some mandards. Loved this post Em xx

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    1. Thanks Kristy! I think you’re a lucky one who found a good egg. Support is a definite must. I look at so many couples that are so happy an champion each other no matter what they do- So its definitely a must. Thank you xxxx

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  2. Em, I bloody loved this post!!!! You’re such a naturally funny writer, and I agreed with basically everything. I do have a fair few mandards, but a few of them are superficial and not set in stone if I met the dreaded one 😂. Height is a HUGE thing for me though, I’m 5.10 before heels so I need a tall guy, couldn’t deal with the comments and drama that came with being the taller one in my last relationship!

    Love Izzy | http://www.adoseofchatter.com

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  3. I think you and I are the same person when it comes to men! I have incredibly high standards when it comes to men and I don’t see why I shouldn’t. I don’t mean looks-wise but like you say, someone who challenges you and isn’t afraid of commitment. I’m 25, the whole fuckboys things is something I’ve soooo over. In fairness, I don’t even have time to date right now haha! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I love your personal posts; it’s like chatting with a friend!

    Sian x
    http://www.theenglisheverygirl.com

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