We’ve all been in a relationship where one party is more into ‘it’ than the other. One person out of the two is so utterly besotted with the other that they would do anything possible to make the other feel empowered. As much as we all know relationships are rocky, we all have ‘THAT’ person, that one person that even after month of no communication seemingly has all the right on the world to knock the wind out of your sales with a simple ‘Hello Stranger’ text.
BUT, what if the unthinkable happens? What if you get over THAT guy? A strange thought if there ever was one? Life is more Tinderella than Cinderella, that picture perfect dream we all hope for doesn’t always come true and sometimes, we move on – even from the person we were once utterly smitten with.
For me this was my ex. I have loved previously, but that was pretty much reciprocated whereas with my ex I always strived to make him for me as I did him. A strange concept looking back because I now know that he just wasn’t that into me. And that was fine, his behaviour in the relationship wasn’t but his feelings were perfectly valid. I love with every ounce of my being so I when I am in a relationship I give everything I can, for some that’s just not enough because you are simply not right for them.
A few days ago I mistakenly text my ex and as the conversation progressed I realized I didn’t love him anymore. I didn’t feel the need to massage his ego or proclaim my undying love. I also didn’t need to tell him how much I hated him or proceed to go into detail about what a gigantic tosser he is. I just didn’t feel anything towards him.
Sometimes I feel like looking back is most definitely necessary, looking back on how far you’ve come is something which will both shock and surprise you. A little surprise that may just be the little kick up the arse you need to do something that you have been putting off for a while? Or just a little snippet of a much needed confidence boost.
Over the past few days I have come to the conclusion that I really don’t need any one in my life right now. I am pretty happy being single old me. And I absolutely adore the way my life is going at the moment. The following points aren’t to shame anyone, but to show what I have noticed over the past few weeks which prove (to myself at least) that my ex is no longer ‘that’ guy.
You don’t think about him daily.
I spent the majority of the relationship wanting to speak to my ex daily. A simple text or a phone call on my lunch was all I wanted, at the time I was made to feel quite selfish and needy, but who doesn’t love a good rant to their boyfriend? Hello?
Since splitting up I often wondered what he was doing, or if indeed he was thinking about me but gradually I stopped. Speaking to others about their own similar situations, opened my eyes to the fact that everybody goes through this- the months of wondering if you made a mistake. Well babe you haven’t, one day you will wake up, grab your slippers and make a brew all without a single thought of what the ex-love of your life would be doing.
The funny thing is, you won’t notice. It will seem like any other day at any other time. No euphoric parade championing you through life. No Mariachi band playing James Blunt ‘Goodbye my lover’. You will simply get on with your day.
You don’t find a belonging of theirs and revert back to bed.
As much as it sounds cliché, when you break up with someone you spend a lot of time in bed. Days go by and you do ultimately feel much better, but we all know that it is so easy to revert back to bed when we see something that slightly resembles something of theirs.
Months go by in a blink of an eye and day by day you don’t notice that next doors cat looks vaguely familiar to you ex’s family pet or that the guy next door is wearing the same jumper as he wore on your first date. Those things become insignificant as does he, eventually.
If you are simply not there yet, it is perfectly acceptable to revert back to your duvet, you can’t for getting over some one. It will happen, just trust in that.
Finding the Mute button.
The Mute button, the single biggest aid social media has ever given to anyone going through heartbreak. It is so easy to spend your life waiting for your ex significant other to wade back into your life with a sneaky little text. With most apps and phones having a mute button you need not to worry about your ex pest getting back in touch with you, just as you are becoming your best self.
Now don’t get me wrong it does take a lot of restraint to pop the dreaded ex on mute, it may be one of the first things you do in the break up process or it could be the last. Either way it is beneficial and a huge indication of moving on.
You take the time to care for yourself.
This point is very much a personal preference. I treat myself to little bits of pamper and ban my phone in the evenings, my friend goes shopping until she maxes out her cards, someone else, may look for comfort from others. Caring for yourself is personal to you and you alone, no one should ever tell you that your doing it wrong or you ‘shouldn’t’ be acting the way you are.
Taking care of yourself is just as important as eating or sleeping, especially after a break up. Break ups are painful and sometimes it takes a little TLC to get you back on your feet. A face mask here could really be the start of putting yourself first. You boss.
If they text you, you can leave them on Read.
Now, this is something that is a little bit rude. Leaving some one on read isn’t something most millennial do, but sometimes you genuinely have nothing to say. No response to a ‘Hey stranger’ text that just happens to drop into your WhatsApp at 4 am on a Sunday morning, is a perfect response to an ex and if they don’t understand that you have moved on, well they were better off left in the past.
P.S. I am fully aware that anyone can be in this situation, however, this is how I realised I was over my ex. I hope it helps someone x