I am the Girl who…

 

Recently, I have most definitely been reflecting on my own life, at the person I once was and at the person I want to become. Whilst looking into mistakes, past relationships and my confidence struggles , I can’t quite understand how I found something which I have lacked for years. My self-worth.

Self-worth has always been a little farfetched to me. How can someone have so much confidence they know what they deserve? How can people not blame themselves for the situations they have been put in? How can people not lose sleep over a flippant comment they made when they didn’t know any better? How have other just learnt how to let shit go?

Taking a look back at my past made me realize that self-worth isn’t some long distance relationship doomed to fail. Its knowing you never deserved your past traumas in the first place. Throughout all the delving into my past, I never thought I would be able to openly admit some of the things I am about to admit.

 

I am the girl who never gives up.

This is a characteristic I have only recently grasped. I have been to hell and back not only this year but years of things I have been put through by my family and supposed friends. Yet, somehow I am still here, even when for a long time I didn’t want to be.

Never giving up isn’t about that long forgotten book you wrote a page of and never touched again. Personally I feel like ‘never giving up’, is about life. Life will through as much shit at you as inhumanly possible, carrying on when you feel like the world is against you-THAT MY FRIENDS IS NOT GIVING UP.I am the girl who will argue to her last breathe about Star Wars.

You guys know I’m a nerd, but I don’t think anyone will quite grasp my love for this franchise. I have no idea what started the love I have for R2D2 and crew (obviously the best droid) but I love this franchise more than I have ever loved an ex.

Adventures, love and Jaba the hut, really is a place where I can get lost in. It’s something I love and have done for years and it isn’t going anywhere.

(By the way if you think Rae is the last Jedi you are very much wrong.)

I am the girl who doubts herself.

‘If you don’t big yourself up, I’m going to ‘ Slytherin.

Many will know of my confidence battles, but I still don’t quite believe in myself. I know I will finish a task, I know I will get through the latest break of anxiety but I still don’t have that overwhelming sense of ‘I am totally going to crush this’. A year ago I could barely have the confidence to finish a simple task, talk to someone I didn’t know or just be in an uncomfortable situation.

I have most definitely come a long way in regards to my confidence and yes, I still have things to work on. But you better believe I am working on them.

Sometimes, it does take a little guidance from Slytherin, in which she responds something like the above quote. And when I say guidance I mean she forces me to do something I don’t think I can do, which she knows I will kick myself for not doing.  Having a friend like her really makes me grateful. She probably doesn’t know how much a text to/from her really boosts my confidence. But, it does.

Thanks, Slythers.

I am the girl, who will probably be wearing some sort of heel.

I am a 5’4 anything that can help me not look dumpy, you better believe I am all for. Even if it means my feet hate me.

I am the girl who is finally excepting her flaws.

I am soon to be a 25 year old young woman, has finally got over the fact that her bum, bell and legs will always be a little bit ‘big’. And honestly, I’m okay with it. My skin is filled with blocked pores, my hair will always need a bit of help with volume and my lips will always chap when I’m run down. It’s perfectly acceptable to have flaws and know them. It is not acceptable to barite yourself for it! So stop it!

I am the girl who is loyal to a fault.

I am loyal, to pretty much anything a friend, boyfriend or a TV show. Until I just mentally don’t have the strength to continue, I will be championing anything/anyone through pretty much everything life could throw at you.

Sometimes, I don’t think people know the lengths I will go to, to protect the things/ones I hold dear. Trust me, you’d be surprised.

(And, yes, I may or may not be talking about Star Wars again).I am the girl who forgets everything.

Seriously, dates, times, shopping you name it I will forget it. I find it quite endearing and yes, massively annoying.

I am the girl who believes in people.

Call me what you want, but I would rather spend my life believing the good in people until I am proved otherwise. I find being a pessimist to be quite draining.

I am the girl who finally has the ability to call herself a woman.

When I was a teenager I thought a ‘woman’ was down to age, at 18 I would be the miraculous woman with long flowing hair and have her shit together. Yes, I really thought that.

As I grew up I began to understand that being a ‘woman’ isn’t about age or your life style. Being a woman is having the ability to keep going when the world is bleak. Being a woman is championing others and not feeling the remotest bit jealous. Being a woman is accepting you won’t wake up looking like Kendal Jenner (and nor do you have too), and learning to love yourself anyway.

The point of this post, is no matter how you feel, mistakes you have made or will continue to make do not define you one bit. The person you are right this minute, THAT defines who you are. Never let anyone tell you differently.

12 thoughts on “I am the Girl who…

  1. Oh my god, I loved this SO much! You really are the girl who has been through everything imaginable but you always come out on top. You deffo don’t give yourself enough credit for the things that you’re capable of but you’re getting there. I’m so proud to have got to know you over the last year and I’m so happy that I can call you a best friend. You’re the girl who is truly remarkable xxx

    http://www.imjustagirl16.co.uk

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  2. This is a great post and defintely got me thinking a lot about my own self worth. I’ve never had much of it, nor self confidence and exceptionally low self esteem so that’s something I have to work on. I love Star Wars too. I think Rae COULD be the last Jedi… but that’s too easy. There’s much more to the story and I think that’d be a bit of a cop-out xxx

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    1. I don’t think you ever really stop working on something like self worth. I had to go through a lot to get to where I am today. No, the director said some where that Luke is the last jedi a while back. And I’m pretty sure Yoda did at one point in the franchise too.

      X

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Emma, you are truly one incredible human being. I love this post and I love you! You are honestly so strong, independent and brave for posting something like this and you inspire me every day to become a better person. It’s got me thinking so much and it’s important to remember the good things about yourself, we’re all so quickly to put ourselves down and its not good!! xxxxxxxx

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  4. Oh Em, you really have gone through so much and the fact that you’ve come out the other side and are now learning to love and accept yourself just as you are is nothing short of wonderful! You definitely deserve to look in the mirror and like the person staring back at you, you have so many fantastic qualities such as your loyalty and bravery that you sadly don’t see in everyone these days! Celebrate these fantastic things about yourself because you’re worth it! Also, I really need to watch Star Wars at some point hehe!

    Abbey 💓 http://www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk

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