Blogtober Day 5: A Note to my Student Self.

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Hello, 18 year old Em.

The shy and wonderful girl who wears her heart on her sleeve and loves way to easily. One day you will wake up and realize that there is way more to life than your insecurities want you to believe. Over the next few years, you will grieve, cry and lose yourself, but that’s okay because you come to find that you can get through anything you could ever imagine.

Unfortunately my dear you don’t get swooped up by a talk dark handsome rugby player, who loves you and only you. Instead you find a 5’10 badminton player who you love and end up owing money to. It wasn’t until you were over you friends told you what he said, a secret they held because they knew you loved him and you worked out he probably cheated on you at one of those house parties he went too. Yet, this relationship allowed you to learn what love is, the butterflies, the giggles and the amazing sex. I don’t doubt that he loved you back, you were just very naive and the both of us made mistakes. Honey, its okay you learn. And you will find love again and again- okay maybe a few more, but it will happen.

In the process of your relationship break downs you will find and lose your confidence. In fact when you graduate- because you do- your confidence will cease to exist. You’ll hate the way you look, you won’t feel as good as your friends, and essentially you’re a little bit broken. Don’t worry, you will find the broken pieces will let you become someone so much more. You may always be fat, but the confidence in the person you are will grow to a point when you know who you are. And at 25, that’s all you want in life.

Oh sweet heart, that bubble that you could ace life without any drama is stupid. Every year at university, you will lose someone you hold in your heart so much it feels like you can’t breathe when you look back. Just remember that you may have cocked up along the way but they would be so proud of the person you have become. Never forget that.

And whilst we are remembering things, please don’t think university will be a walk in the park- because its not. Your first panic attack will happen in the first week of university, course work and exams will get too much but, you will get a pretty good grade in the end. You will drink so much you still don’t remember what happened (more than once) because you think it’s what people want to see. And honey, you won’t feel accepted until much later on in life when you start to blog. University is so hard and you miss home so much but you will learn all the positives about yourself and that cheese is hella expensive.

Graduation day is not what you think it will be it will be short and the drive home will be longer than you can ever imagine. BUT your mum will scream at the top of your lungs when your name is read out, and your dad most probably shed a tear. Ultimately that will be the best fucking day of your life, because you proved them wrong, YOU PROVED YOURSELF WRONG.

So 18, year old fresher Em. I love you. And it’s okay all the things you are about to do. You learn, you love and you become so much more.

Love,

24 Year old Em.